Monday, September 4, 2006

America vs. China

This post is dedicated to Paige Ryan and whoever looked at my blog the other day from China.

This week in your American Church Bulletin:

1. Counting it Loss:
The Diety Diet: The Scriptural guide to losing 50+ lbs.
Join us afterword for potluck dinner.


2. Today's Sermon: Loving yourself so that you can love your neighbor.

3. Next Week's Sermon: "Coping with Life."

4. Available in the Bookstore:
The Official 2007 "Crossways Community Church" T-shirts. Church Mission Statement on Back: "Because EMOTIONAL Experience is the Best Teacher."

5. Also be sure to purchase a Christian fish.
Turn your suburban, escalade, or hummer into a powerful witness for Christ for only $4.99.

Special Announcement: Next month marks the thirtieth anniversary of our church. Let's get the Pastor something nice for his game room.


This week in their Chinese Church Announcements:

1. Daily Bread:
Praying through [the latest] famine.

2. Today's Sermon: Loving your Enemies.

3. Next Week's Sermon: "To Die is Gain."

4. Available for Pick-up:
Nine Official 1988 "Crossways Community Church" T-shirts (Patches available.).

5. Also pick-up the latest leaflet:
"How to Witness to Your Executioner."*
Note: Please destroy after memorizing.

Special Announcement: This year marks the thirtieth anniversary of the end of "The Proletariat Cultural Revolution," during which our first pastor was arrested. Pray for us as we attempt to sneak letters to his cell.
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*Note: Seriously, many Chinese Christians have been taught how to share the Gospel with their prison guards and executioners.
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1 comment:

Wil said...

Dear Liberal Hippie,

There are not Christians in China. For this I will give three proofs.

1. They are not white, nor do they live in a society where being white is best.

2. They are not Americans.

3. They are communists, and everybody knows that everybody that lives in a communist nation not only endures but embraces their communsist government and all its oppresive rules.

Love,
The American Church